Category: Blogging

I’ll be honest with you-it’s been a tough few days.  Changing our lives with dizzying speed, saying goodbye to old friends & new, leaving our longterm workplace & home where so much has taken place, entering a new country with new identities as temporary & permanent residents, has been challenging to say the least.

Just today I started to feel a little bit more grounded, rested, relaxed.  We’ve worked so fast for so long to make this happen that slowing down-especially while trying to set up a new living space with limited items-is gonna take some time.  I’ve realized how very (project) driven I am with the chatter in my head constantly pushing me forward.  Time for change.  Time for letting go.  So let me sum up our activities & observations for the past few days.

We spent Monday night at the Comfort Inn in Raleigh & arrived at the airport at 4AM.  We flew United & won’t do that again.  They allow NO carry-on’s so we spent a lot of money checking bags because of our Basic Economy tickets.  Seats were incredibly cramped.  I won’t go on.  Let’s just say we were glad when it was all over & we landed in Guadalajara where we showed our Mexican visas for the first time, listing our residence as Mexico.  A friend picked us up for the 40 minute ride to our new home.  After a brief rest we walked 3 blocks to a small pizza place where we ignored our GF dairy free diets & paid for it for the next couple days.

Wednesday-cold & rainy.  All day.  The 75 degree weather we were prepared for was 65 & our house (no HVAC remember) was flat out cold.  We awakened early & very shortly heard LOUD music.  A truck radio?  Walking out on our terrace we realized it was a live band playing for a neighbor-in the rain-as part of the celebration of construction workers.  That’s right.  They honor their construction workers.  And anyone else they can find a reason to celebrate.  It was quite touching & felt like a personal Bienvenido.  This is Mexico.  Dressed in layers we headed out for a meal at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants then picked up a few necessities for the kitchen at the local “dollar store”.  We took the bus home for 7 pesos (~40 cents) & crashed, wet & cold.

Thursday-rumor had it our housekeeper might not show.  No one seemed sure that she’d been here the first 4 Thursdays so we weren’t sure what to do.  If you let a housekeeper go here, you better have the reason in writing & you can plan on paying her the amount of wages that she’s earned in her time working for you.  This is Mexico.  Gratefully, Chayo showed up.  She is probably in her 30’s, speaks no English & is delightful-& thorough.  I think I actually figured out what she needs for next time-I used Google translate to ask her first.  We stayed here the 4 hours she worked just to, well, make us all feel better I guess.

Friday-We took the bus to the village to eat & shop again.  The streets around the plaza were literally filled with old timey carnival rides.  Bright shiny colors dampened by the rain, water pouring over the cobblestones heading to the lake which is at one of its highest levels.  Vendors of plastic toys, kitchen goods, tight jeans & patterned socks side by side, covered by multicolored tarps.  This is Mexico.  At our favorite vegetarian restaurant owners Jorge & Jessica & their delightful baby boy, Karon (ca-roon), which means “whole being”, greeted us warmly.  The food & atmosphere are comforting…I felt like I was home.

Saturday-Checking on towels hung over the terrace rail to dry, I looked over & saw my Wilmington, NC neighbor waving.  Come for coffee & conversation at 11?  You bet.  We hit it off right away.  New neighbors from Ohio move in next to her on Tuesday.  In the next house 3 related families with children live in a house smaller than any of the others around.  Giggling children step out to play & I say “Hola”.  “Como se llama?”  What is your name?  Who knows what they said but it was a delightful interaction just the same.  This is Mexico.  We met a friend for lunch at a restaurant with white donkeys in the lawn.  Legendary donkeys.  Photo op.  A craft show at the Lake Chapala Society grounds drew us to the village by way of the lake (which is very high now-playgrounds & beaches have disappeared).  “LCS” is the “caregiver” organization that helps gringos settle it, provides services, Spanish classes & a whole lot more.  We take the bus home & crash.  Again.

Words pop into my mind this Sunday morning.  Birds-glorious sounds all day long.  Bus-riding the bus is easy & interesting, as well as cheap.  Stuff-our mover says she expects to deliver our household goods December 19th.  Fingers crossed.  Trash-pick up is laborious here.  Most trucks are older & men jump down-pick up-sling-jump up hundreds of times daily.  They work really hard.  There is a lot of talk about recycling & steps being taken in the village proper for now.  Turns out Mexico is the world leader for PET recycling.  Check it out on YouTube.  Windows-our doors & windows are open all day-this is December!-now that it’s warmed up & dried up a little.  Yoga-on the terrace with the sun pouring in.

Plans for next week include an appointment with an immigration lawyer, COSTCO with friends, a jazz concert & dinner, mattress shopping, rent & electricity to pay…now I understand why residents of the retirement community I worked in were always so busy.  Don’t say YES to committees & groups this year folks tell us.  Get your bearings first.  This is retirement.  Back to my mat!

 

As a bird soars high

In the free holding of the wind,

Clear of the certainty of ground,

Opening the imagination of wings

Into the grace of emptiness

To fulfill new voyagings,

May your life awaken

To the call of its freedom.

                     John O’Donohue

Each day of this journey has brought new challenges, new contacts, new adventures.  We have already learned to live with so little!  The drive to have MORE in our country has been replaced by our willingness to have LESS.  One more day to go…

Family members picked up both cars today.  (Who knew that giving up my car would be such a blow.  Remember my license plate has said “LETTINGO” for years now.  Little did I know.)   Ben’s cousin bought our couch.  Tomorrow another cousin will pick up the mattress, TV & coffee table.  We’re down to scatter rugs, folding chairs & borrowed tables. The food that’s left will go to neighbors-much has already gone to the needy.  Funny how many small items you end up with-toothpaste, bag clips, lotion, scissors/pens, refrigerator magnets, Epsom salts…our suitcases are already full so these things will be left for the renters or thrown away.  We did last minute clean up of the yard this week & moved 2 bookcases out to our new garage storage units.  We’ve called in address changes & stopped mailings.  Done a little cleaning.

We took a break Thanksgiving afternoon to have dinner with friends & their family-4 generations together.  It was delightful.  Thanks Pat & Phil!  Ben’s accountant came Friday & finished up with him for now.  All along there’ve been meals with friends, phone calls & emails wishing us well.  We do not say goodbye.  Only see you later.

I woke this morning thinking of all the reasons we want to move to Mexico.  The maintenance of our place in Hillsborough is more than we want to manage now.  We want a slower life, less expensive.  We want a new adventure, new things to learn.  We love the people & the colors & the weather.  But there were 3 layers to this move, not 1 or 2.  I don’t recommend it.  Not only have we been focusing on clearing out the house, getting visas, etc.  But there was also the layer of unexpected (long delayed-“we can live with that”) house repairs.  And the complexity of Ben shutting down his 40 year business.  Retiring is stressful in itself & though it’s been pretty easy for me so far, for him it is much more complicated.  I recall saying earlier this year-why don’t we wait until Spring? Let you settle into retirement a little first.  Nope.  Getting older.  Gotta go.  It has all taxed us to-no, beyond our limits.  But I feel strong, steady & confident now after organizing so much of the move & making more decisions than I’ve ever made in a such a short period of time.  Though it is bittersweet to leave dear ones behind, I am ready to go.

Tomorrow we’ll turn in our car tags & stop our insurance, zip up our suitcases & hitch a ride with our wonderful renter Christine to a motel in Raleigh.  A decision made to save a little time & angst in light of having to be at the airport @ 4:30AM on Tuesday.  It’ll be a different kind of flight this time…we have Global Entry now (+TSA-Prior Approval) & we’ll only show our passports at RDU.  In Guadalajara we’ll have to show our Mexican visas for the first time.  If we forget & travel as tourists (familiar with the declaration forms they have you fill out on the plane?), we’ll lose our visas & have to start all over!  No thanks.

We arrive in Guadalajara early afternoon where a new friend will meet us & take us to our Mexican home.  Our weekly housekeeper Chayo (chi-oh) has been going in all along so hopefully everything will be intact.  We’ll schedule the arrival of our crated household goods from our movers ASAP.  December 1 we’ll go to a lawyer to begin the process for completing our visa status at the immigration office in nearby Chapala.  We have 30 days to do that-or we have to start all over!  Next task will be to find a second mattress & some porch furniture.  We’ll call a taxi or Uber to take us to buy food at some of the little tiengas on the caraterra (main street through town).  Eventually we’ll buy a car but the bus stop is only 3 blocks away & part of our MO is to use fewer resources.  It will be a new experience for us.

We signed up for internet & a landline while there in August but we’ll see how that goes.  At some point we’ll set up cellphone service but meanwhile we’ll do limited texts & calls.  If you are so inclined you can set up Whats App on your cellphone & we can connect for free.  We’ll have snail mail out of Laredo, TX so if you want that address just send me an email. So we’re off!  And we thank all of you who have helped us in so many ways through this time of tremendous upheaval & change.

After seemingly endless weeks of chores, phone calls, visitors, buyers, repairmen on a near daily basis, I am tired but, gratefully, have hit a state of calm, of grace.  This journey has so far been a challenge and an opportunity for growth.  Not unlike giving birth: extreme difficulty leaving you with life changing results.  Stepping away from fears, old habits & routines.  A fresh start.

Hasta luego mis amigos!  Nos vemos en Mexico!

In light of Thanksgiving I offer these thoughts, brought home to me by this experience of seeking a “better” way to live.

My reading of late has been varied but concentrated mostly on THE BOOK OF JOY, interviews with the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Tutu by Douglas Abrams.  It has awakened a new spirit in me, the spirit of generosity.  “In generosity, there is a wider perspective, in which we see our connection to all others.  There is a humility that recognizes our place in the world and acknowledges that at another time we could be the one in need, whether that need is material, emotional, or spiritual.  There is a sense of humor and an ability to laugh at ourselves so that we do not take ourselves too seriously.  There is an acceptance of life, in which we do not force life to be other than what it is.  There is a forgiveness of others and a release of what might otherwise have been.  There is a gratitude for all that we have been given.  Finally, we see others with a deep compassion and a desire to help those who are in need.”

Raised as a PK-as much as I loved my parents-I was taught to look and act “properly” and to keep all things in order.  I remember moments of generosity of church members but it was almost as if it was our right to receive.  I don’t remember ever discussing the kindness of those acts or that we ourselves should practice generosity.  Over my years of nursing and marriage I became stingy with my time and resources.  I often turned inward rather than reaching out-unless I was on the clock.  At this point in my life, my house and mind cleared of clutter, it strikes me what giving is all about, what generosity truly means.

It is not just a gesture, a word, or a “random act of kindness”, though those things certainly are included.  It is also allowing a person to be who they are without judgement (spoken or unspoken) about their clothes, their words, their deeds.  It is always having something to share, whether it is food, words or time.  Now more than ever we are in need of kindness, understanding and generosity.  In need of moments shared and savored.  It doesn’t take much time or effort to offer a smile or hold a door open.  To listen without imposing our own agenda.  And the rewards of giving bounce back to soothe our own hearts and souls.

So many have reached out to us in this major life transition we’ve taken on.  The basket of kitchen items and food left on the back porch after the movers left, the coat loaned for weeks without hesitation-after the movers left with mine, the offer of a car to be loaned for a full day followed by a ride to the motel before we fly out, the offers of assistance upon our arrival in Ajijic, the shared wisdom of words and healing hands, the offered insight of a healer, the reassurance that this move is brave and courageous and amazing-and can be reversed without penalty if the “experiment” doesn’t work out.  My heart is full.  And cracked wide open.  And I am Thank-full.

So this Holiday season I challenge you to think about what giving truly means.  It isn’t the rush of the crowds to buy the latest advertised items.  It isn’t the strain of working full-time and trying to be the one to “do it all” for the family.  It isn’t a competition of gifts.  It is the Generosity of Spirit that each of us has to offer, if only we let down our guard, stop our internal chatter, and remember that we are all in this together.  What can I do for you today?

I WISH FOR YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS FILLED WITH JOY, GENEROSITY, ABUNDANCE, AND KINDNESS.

What’s better than knowing there’s a child on the way?  I can hardly wait to meet my granddaughter Hazie.  I hope she will call me Abuelacita.

Last week I journeyed up to Boone for a couple of days, visiting old haunts & old friends.  Attended the baby shower hosted for my son & daughter-in-law by her family in Valle Crucis.  We lived there when my son Japhy was born so there are always many memories for me there.  Toni’s family-the Masts-were the original owners of the famous Mast Store & they are deeply tied to the Valle.  It was lovely to be with them at such a joyful event.  We’ll be back in February to meet Hazel Grace Ferguson.  Who already has an extensive library, I might add.  Including FRIDA COUNTS TO 10 in Spanish & English.  Start ’em out early I say.
The movers have come & gone.  They were fast, efficient & friendly.  It was amazing to see our household (for the next household) wrapped up & crated in 4 hours.  It was intense.  We stuck close trying to make sure nothing was missed or mistreated.  As it was a closet of clothes was missed & they graciously returned the next day to add it-& a few other items.  We’d ordered a 3rd crate but ultimately barely filled 2 thanks to Greg & Edgar’s packing methods.I’ll never forget the repetitive, rapid-fire sound of packing tape ripping.  And the sight of things disappearing into boxes.  There were words of encouragement from friends on this cool, sunny day as we interacted with exhaustion from a night up sick with worry.  Thank God for friends!  The truck will head to Laredo, TX soon to meet Strom White movers at the border.  They will carry the load through customs.  For that to happen copies of my Mexican visa & passport had to be scanned to the Ajijic office, anything with a cord had to be listed with make, model & serial number, boxes had to be numbered & marked with category of contents & letters in Spanish verifying the intent to move household goods had to be signed & scanned.

We are now down to borrowed tables & dishes, folding chairs, our queen size mattress-I forgot to say that yesterday a local mover came & took a small van load, including our king mattress, to my son in Charlotte-a sling chair Ben used at shows, & our red leather couch.  Which we can’t seem to find a home for-anyone interested?  Great recliner on each end.  We sometimes open a drawer or cabinet & realize the item we’re looking for is already gone.  So we adjust & find another way to do things.  But we are somehow content with it.  And we are sleeping better.

The clearing of the house has equaled the clearing of my mind & the halting of the buy-maintain-get rid of cycle leaves time to rest or read or visit friends.  I still watch at least one episode of CALL THE MIDWIFE daily & let the tears roll.  So cathartic.  Initially nursing was a calling for me.  A gift of giving.  Eventually it became a job that paid the bills.  I became more reclusive after hours, more self-absorbed-I gave at the office.  It was survival.  Less stuff means fewer decisions to make & saves time to be more…I started to say “productive”.  But productivity carries a heavy weight in nursing.  When laptops & timed visits entered the Home Health world the attention to patients declined.  (I love that CALL THE MIDWIFE addresses this in Season 6 that takes place in the ’60’s.)  That was the beginning of the end of my career.  Now I am ready & able to give.  To be generous.  To be joyful.

The next 2 weeks will be filled with meals with friends, finishing up of logistics, final trips to OCIM & My Secret Closet.  Ben’s sister Myra & her husband bought both our vehicles & will pick them up the Saturday before we leave.  At that point we’ll practice walking or using Uber if we must get somewhere, just as we’ll do in Ajijic for awhile.  Simple.  It’s all we need.

Finally, let me thank friends who’ve so generously offered to share whatever we might need, including food & fellowship.  And thanks to All American Relocation out of Raleigh & Alamance Moving Company out of Burlington for helping us through this stage of our adventure.  Muchas gracias mis amigos!

 

(As a post note let me say that in just looking over my cache of posts I realize that I’ve repeated some things in this post.  But I will leave it.  And hope you enjoy those things a second time.  Perhaps it is a reflection of my mind going over & over things.  Or just a confirmation of the joy of family & friends.)

 

209 N Occoneechee St has been my home for 14 years.  For Ben it’s been 30.  I remember thinking early on how after so many years of moving hither & thither, I had finally found roots in this little town.

Deconstruction: For 2 weeks the Baby Boomers crew worked 4+ hours daily taking our house apart.  Being someone who’s always enjoyed rearranging and decorating, I was initially energized by it.  Working with the crew was a delight-as much as it could be under these circumstances – and we both enjoyed getting to know them as they became intimately knowledgeable about our living style, working around areas I designated as “untouchable” until the last day. Ben began taking his studio apart, the place he’s worked for 30 some years, wading through stacks of supplies, receipts, memories, carrying some things to the house for sale, tossing some, holding on tightly to others.  This is painful stuff, deconstructing your identity.

Reconstruction: Staging and tagging took monumental effort as the crew researched eBay, Amazon and other sources to come up with fair prices.  Most of the smaller items for sale were collected by Ben over the years and he knew each artist.

Anticipation: My dear friend Denise offered her lovely house as a respite during the sale. We took care of their sweet dog, Cassie, and felt safe and comfortable during the weekend.  Rescue Remedy helped as my anxiety heightened.  So did a trip to the Raleigh Museum to see the Georgia O’Keefe/Candida Hoffer exhibit.

Purge: Saturday-shocked-why is there so much left?  Sunday-relieved-so much gone now. “Empty” house-what’s missing? Did our friends come? Buy something out of sentiment?  It was a good turnout we’re told.  Friends did come by to take a little piece of us home.  It feels good.

Funny how so many folks want to get together now.  Meet-ups we’ve talked about for months, or years.  And there simply isn’t time.  My advice?  Don’t wait!  Don’t wait to be with the people you care about and/or are interested in.  Do it NOW.  And don’t fill your house up with stuff you don’t love or need.  Don’t leave it for someone else to do.  Don’t leave it for yourself to do – someday.  Do it NOW.  And it’s about the planet as well.  It’s about using more resources than we could possibly need.  It’s about recyclables that are only 9% recycled.  It’s about the time you spend buying, taking care of and getting rid of STUFF.  I know.  You’ve heard this before.  And I’ll continue to say it – to remind myself and you – because it is vital to our planet.

On November 8th the movers will come and pack up our 2 crates (lift-vans) and head out to Laredo, TX to meet our Mexican company that will carry it all through customs and store it in Ajijic until we get there.  November 10th another mover will come and carry off a few large items for my son and daughter-in-law and granddaughter to be.  For 2 & 1/2 weeks after that we will camp out in our house with a few items Ben’s cousin will take after we leave and a few borrowed items.  With plenty of food, a good book to read, a roof over our heads, a good heating system and a hot shower when we need it.  Enough…more is more than enough.

A movie title comes to mind now…THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING.  And it strikes me that we are perhaps not meant to be weighed down by objects but to delight in the space and people around us.  Home, as they say, is where the heart is.

Give a little bit…Give a little bit of yourself…

This week has been a week of strangers running in and out of our house.  Bathroom remodeling and estate sale prep.  Everything coming apart then being put back together in some unfamiliar way.  The Baby Boomer Estate Sales folks have been in our house for 4-5 hours daily.  Great folks and it’s fun-at first-to talk about all the THINGS they discover in your house.  Then you begin to realize that each item has some significance in your life.  Each one holds a memory.  And it haunts you a little.  They say memories are better than things…”mem’ries, in the corners of my mind”.  But am I selling a piece of my soul with each item I set on the sales table?

Certain words come to mind in this process: Deconstruction (to break down into parts, dissect, dismantle-ah, there it is); Purging (to rid of whatever is undesirable); Non-attachment (Buddhist term for, well, it’s obvious). But even reviewing the words somehow perpetuates holding on.  The bottom line is-Stuff consumes your time, money and energy.  You buy it, care for it, sell it.  You must have it.  And it must be bigger, shinier, brighter, cleaner.  Mostly you must buy it.  But perhaps that is a whole different post.  And I must remember that many of these things we cherish are handmade, singular, useful, beautiful.

But back to memories.  Some things, special things, have already been parceled out in special wrappings to friends, creating more memories.  Then there are all those things holding memories of my past.  The signature blue and pink Pisgah Forest Pottery vase picked from the shelves of a well-known Maggie Valley family as a gift to my mother when I was 12.  The dresser and mirror handmade by my paternal grandfather and coveted for years until my mother’s death.  The Diego Rivera poster, part of a wonderful journey to New Mexico with my dear friend Margaret. The large blue pottery vase given to me by the wife of a cancer patient that I had visited as a massage therapist.  The blue (I’m seeing a theme here) and white creamer and sugar bowl purchased in Portland, Maine,  during a long-term care nurses conference.

The Kwan Yin statue was a gift during a meaningful exchange of dear objects while I was attending Body Therapy Institute as a massage student.  The peach satin dress- a real find @ My Secret Closet-worn to my son’s wonderful wedding in a mountain field 2 years ago.   Each item holds a memory.  Some more dear than others.  All pieces of the puzzle that is me.

Ben, too, has his memorable objects and walks room to room sharing his own thoughts with the sales team.  He has been in the craft world for nearly 40 years and has collected and traded for those objects all that time.  For him, and for myself really, it is hardest to let go of the things, created or shared by those who have left this world.

This week has been frenetic, unnerving, exhausting, overwhelming, bringing home the “what are we doing’ question once again.   There were moments we could not stand the sound of another voice, another hammer or saw, another slam of a door.  In the midst of it all we somehow managed to obtain our Mexican visas from the Consulate in Raleigh and to book our parting flights for November 27th.  Big accomplishments.  Now the bathroom is nearly done and the sale is only a week away, after months of preparation.  And with each item sold I’ll give, we’ll give, a little bit, a little piece of ourselves, of who we’ve been throughout our lives and the energy of those items, to those who walk away.  I hope they’ll leave with a smile knowing that they also have now created, collected another memory.  For themselves.  And for us, as we make our way to creating new memories.

Searching for an image of how this current period of time feels it hits me in early morning. Why so tired? It’s simply from holding on through the whip of the tail.

Ungrounded. Overwhelmed. Strangers and strange noises inside the house for hours every day. Somewhere along the way I’ve encountered a children’s story, a cartoon (COCO maybe?) or a sci-fi movie that gives me the image of a very large but very kind dragon (the little green guy on the left – cute, huh? Not sooo scarey)  & his enormous tail. And I get it – that’s how it feels! Like holding on to a whipping, high-in-the-sky tail as this huge “creature” we’ve created through our decisions flies through the air (with the greatest of ease). Don’t ask me how I know this.

Self-care becomes even more important at this point-essential oils, acupuncture, Healing Touch, time with friends, rest and just getting out of the house (someone has to be here all the time now) are a must.  Coming up with food is the toughest piece. By the time lunch comes around we’re too busy to leave the house for pick-up and by evening we’re too exhausted to cook or go out. Cereal and shakes get old after a while, especially if you’re big veggie eaters.  Haven’t solved this one yet.

Down-town

So I reminisce, seeing Hillsborough, my home of 14 years (Ben’s for 30), in a whole new way.  It truly is a beautiful little place. Developing into a lovely family town with Poets’ Walk, the Riverwalk, the biennial puppet parade, new sidewalks connecting old and new places, Weaver Street Market, a growing restaurant selection, outdoor dining (though I do think the restaurants grabbed up too much of the new sidewalks), old buildings repurposed (Did I tell you? If I was head of “the Building Committee”, no new buildings would be approved until all current spaces were put to use. So there!), gardens, old trees, crepe myrtles…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Wading through the “muck” of moving out of the country is layered now with unexpected renovations and repairs. Even so, with nerves on edge and deer-in-the-headlights eyes (do I bolt now? later? when??? am I safe? can I do this???), I slowly realize how much progress we’ve made, how much we’ve actually accomplished.

The steps in the notebook marked for 3 months, 2 months, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day, begin to thin out.  There are hatch marks and highlights and checkmarks on the pages.

The party is over (such fun!), important dates set, details outlined.  Our Global Entry cards came today. The sales team starts their 2 weeks of tagging and staging items for sale (October 20/21-y’all come!) on Monday.  I turned in my notice as independent contractor @ Carol Woods yesterday (November 1 is my last day).  The studio is partially cleaned up and the wall dividing the garage into storage units is nearly done.  There are still repairs pending and a new shower door to be installed.  But it will come.

More than one friend has told me we’re crazy.  We’ll see.  All I know is that as each door opens I enter in with some kind of faith that this is the path we need to be on.  The dragon’s tail is in full swing and we are holding on for Dear Life.  This too shall pass.

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free/’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be/and when we find ourselves in the place just right/’Twill be in the valley of love and delight. (Elder Joseph)

Tears roll down my face and my heart races as my material world comes apart all around me.  This has been a week of many shifts – the moving surveyor came to estimate our moving cost, the small roof and bathroom repairs turned into major changes, the estate salesman posted the first announcement of our sale on line, we had our final gathering of friends in this house…..Once or twice a week my “fight or flight” system kicks in, and I have a meltdown.  (Thanks to my dear friend and acupuncturist Robin for helping me navigate.).  It’s all about wading through the “muck.”  Some days, I’m better at it than others.

I feel like a racehorse some days, with short, straight pathways leading to periodic hurdles, some pleasurable, some painful.  There are days of mindless tasks listed on my day planner followed by events, hurdles, if you will – the moving survey, the adios party, the estate sale, the trip to Charlotte-Douglas International Airport for Global Entry interviews with a chance to see my son and daughter in law, the visit to the Mexican consulate for visas, a long-delayed trip to see friends in Boone combined with a family baby shower for my granddaughter to be, movers coming to pack up our things and hit the road to Laredo, an unexpected reunion with high school friends…and eventually flying off to Guadalajara at the end of November.

Some of our friends are amazed, shocked, intrigued, excited, even jealous.  This is the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my adult life, and my eye is on the prize.  A remake of my current self?  A simple life in Mexico.  ‘Tis a gift to be simple…

Will there come a time when I can SIMPLY run 1 errand and not feel like I have to pack 4 others in as well since they’re right on my way?  Or simply sit reading for hours?  Have 1 or 2 books on my nightstand waiting to be read instead of 10 pushing me to “get on with it”?  (Surely you can tell by now that I am, I admit it, a bit OCD.  Coming from a preacher’s family where your home is constantly on display.  And being a good person meant being CONSTANTLY productive.)

We’ve complicated our lives so much in this country.  Years ago when I went to pick out a mattress there was one store to go to (in Boone) and maybe 10-12 mattresses to choose from.  The last time we shopped for a mattress 2 or 3 years ago in the Triangle there were probably 10 stores with 12 or more mattresses each to choose from in each.  We finally ordered online and we won’t even discuss the choices there.  Close your eyes and point.  It is out of hand.  We can get anything and everything in America.  Amazon will have it to you in a heartbeat.  We don’t have to wait.  We don’t have to be uncomfortable or inconvenienced.  And I am overwhelmed and exhausted by it.

This move is the chance to clean house, to clear out, to SIMPLIFY.  Of our 5 clothes closets that were once full only 2 still have clothes in them.  I have hauled load after load to thrift and consignment stores.  Our numerous bookshelves have large empty spaces now.  The sunroom and garage are full of estate sale items.  Photo albums and a few special objects are stored away.  The party is over and the next big hurdle – the estate sale – will leave us with a mattress, a table and 2 chairs, and our kitchen wares (until the movers take those away November 5th).  We are peeling away layer by layer toward SIMPLICITY.  To the opportunity to have less, do less; making more careful, sustainable choices.  We have friends in Ajijic who have walked away from ALL their “stuff” and say now they could easily do it again.  I want to leave a smaller footprint on this earth, have only what I need or treasure, buy my food and wares at small family businesses.  Know that I’ve helped sustain and improve their simple lives.  I want to make a difference in this world.

‘When true simplicity is gained…to turn, turn will be our delight.”

 

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day

Anticipation
Anticipation
Is making me wait
          Is keeping me waiting.   (Carly Simon 1971)

Anticipation is in the air.  For those of you not in North Carolina know that we are feeling the change in the air, seeing the change in color and light, hearing the bustle at stores and gas stations.  What will happen?  And when?  A recent Facebook comment said, “Waiting for a hurricane is like being chased by a turtle”.  Agreed.  Meanwhile, my mood and energy level changes with the barometric pressure.  http://nhc.noaa.gov

Anticipation hovers in our house as well.  Last week I took on the tasks of contacting the international moving company after talking to the Mexican consulate in Raleigh. We now have an appointment this coming Wednesday to meet with a “surveyor”, someone from the local moving company who’ll come in and go room to room with us to calculate how much we want to move, how many “lift vans” it will take (Ajijic mover uses this # to calculate charges) and what it might weigh (local mover uses this #).  We’re already at a ballpark figure of several thousand dollars so we have begun to rethink how to do this.

Options: 1) Sell EVERYTHING and fly to Guadalajara.  I know I can’t do this.  Buy a car in Ajijic.  2) Put some things in storage. We’ve talked to a lot of folks who’ve done this, then came back and gave it all away.  Pack as many suitcases as possible and fly into Guadalajara.  Load those suitcases up again when we come back to meet our granddaughter.  Buy a car in Ajijic.  3) Keep only what will fit in Ben’s Toyota Sienna van and get rid of the rest.  Drive to Laredo, Texas, and hire a concierge to help us go through customs.  4) Drive a small U-haul van to Laredo and offload to a moving company.  Hire a concierge to help us through customs and drive us to Ajijic.  WHEW!  Every one of these sounds overwhelming.  By next Wednesday, we will have a good handle on exactly what we WANT to take to Mexico.  By the end of the week we’ll have a close estimate of cost.  By the 24th we will have to decide which way to go.

Meanwhile, I struggle through the multiple layers of my office full of aromatherapy oils, books, supplies, files, trying to figure out what I can possibly leave behind.  I’ve gotten rid of so much already.  Like peeling back the layers of an onion.  I wrote a poem years ago that started like this-ENOUGH. MORE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH.  Too bad I didn’t take my own advice.

We walked this morning in the early light.  Passing by schools that are closed, crossing streets that are relatively quiet, businesses with chairs pulled in and lights off.  There is very little color in the streets here now.  The green will fade away soon.  The blossoms will drop.  Moving into winter has always been hard for me.  That is why I need the color in the streets of Mexico!  Anticipation………..

Sleep is elusive these days.  My mind races at any opportunity.  The decision is made & now the real work begins.  Coffee ready?

Actually, it began as soon as we arrived home.  Lists & looking through closets & drawers with a better sense now-after a month in Ajijic-of what matters, what will & won’t work there, what’s practical & what’s a sentimental “necessity”.  Or not.

I took a walk this morning & was reminded of the beauty of this place-before the heat sets in.  Aren’t we lucky, we remind ourselves, to live in this lovely town?  And in the next moment we remember that the place we are going to is also quite lovely, in very different ways.  We are reminded that with change comes growth.

We spent the weekend recovering from our long and harried trip, creating lists, discussing feelings, dinner with friends.  Groceries, banking, medication refills.  Day-to-day stuff.  Today was different.  Ben worked hard in the studio, lots of orders, sometimes overwrought with sentiment forged from 30 years of successful self-employment.  Winding down, selling off, telling people good-bye…and thank you.  Somedays it just all seems like too much.

The Mexican Consulate was first on my list after my walk this morning.  Much learned. Still questions to ask but now a little more familiar with what’s required for temporary (temporale) and permanent (permanente) visas. Passports, proof of income, application, AND a “menaje de casa” – inventory – in Spanish and English – of everything we plan to take with us.  And I can tell you that THAT makes you want to take less.  Boxes have to be numbered and categorized.  So the 2nd thing on my list was an email to the moving company we talked to before we left – Strom White Movers.  The next contact with them will be to get an estimate on a door-to-door move (resulting in much less handling thus damage) of our household items.  Meanwhile, I called the police department to thank them for monitoring our house while we were away, confirmed my Healing Touch clients for tomorrow, made a haircut appointment and talked with the HVAC man who quickly discovered why our air conditioning wasn’t working.  Typical day-to-day stuff tucked in around the “muck” of this huge decision.

The other thing on my mind…is my granddaughter to be-Hazel Grace Ferguson. Expected arrival late January.  I’ve already bought books for her in Spanish and English.  Making plans to return to the States late February or March to meet her.  Reminded by her parents that vaccinations must be up to date to protect her.  Whatever it takes.  And, yes, it’s a bit harder to leave knowing she’s on the way.  But I want her to be proud someday that she has a Grandmother (Abuela) who lived her life curiously and courageously.  Who wanted to know and experience other cultures, other places, other ways of doing things.  Who put her mind to learning a new language at 67 years old and who knew that parting with so much stuff would ultimately (beyond the grief!) bring a sense of freedom. I can’t wait to meet her!

This weekend we’ll review our notebook of what to do when that’s broken down into months then weeks before moving.  Plowing through.  Next week will bring calls to a carpenter and a tile man, a yard crew and a handyman.  The portable closet for winter clothes to be left in storage will arrive along with the Mexican cookbook recommended by a new friend.  Haircuts and massages and doctor visits.  Trips to the thrift store and the consignment store.  Purging.  More every day. Learning.  Growing.  Confirming that change can be manageable.

Almost time to leave this place-for now. 

The knot in my stomach has many causes.  It seems we’ve hardly been here.  It seems we’ve been here forever.  There is much to do when we return home.  Can we manage it all?  Leaving friends and the place we’ve lived and worked in for so long hangs heavy in the air.  Are we doing the right thing? What is it that draws us here?

We have made friends here already, people we’ll be glad to see again.  We have found a lovely, quiet place to live.  We have a sense of what to do once we arrive.  It’s the work to get here that daunts us.  1st-go through the (Hillsborough) house again to figure out what else we can do without.  At some point Strom-White Movers will send a contracted mover to the house to pack everything up to fit in 7x7x4′ crates-hopefully no more than 2.  Once the truck arrives in Ajijic our crates will be stored for up to a month until we’re ready for delivery.  That means packing suitcases with a minimum # of sheets, blankets, towels, toiletries and kitchen utensils to get us through until we can get out to a store.  (We’ve decided-at this point-not to drive a truck across country but will probably fly.) We will have no car initially so will rely on public transportation, Uber (weekdays) and taxis.

After Labor Day we’ll hit the Mexican Consulate in Raleigh for our visas, a complicated process that we’ve yet to clarify.  Late September is Ben’s birthday and retirement so we’ll celebrate with friends. Off to Charlotte for our “Global Entry” interviews to shorten the process of flight check in/out.  Then the mad rush to separate out everything we want to take with us in preparation for our October estate sale.  (Now there’s a bag of mixed feelings!).  We’ll “camp out” in the house for a few weeks after that while we tie up loose ends and say good-bye to friends and family.  Then off we go to Guadalajara and a taxi to La Casa Morado, Ajijic, Jalisco, Mexico.

Why? Because we are ready for dramatic change in our lives.  Because it is less expensive here.  Because of the temperate climate there.  Because it is colorful and exotic and interesting.  Because it is a new culture with lots to learn.  To learn to do with less and to slow…down…A few months ago my son asked me how he was to explain to his children that their grandmother lives in Mexico.  I’ll borrow a phrase from a former coworker who thanked her mother for showing her how to “live curiously“.  That’s what I want-to push past my fears, to step outside my comfort zone, my box-to live with curiosity and courage.

The adult who saw me taking this picture corralled these children when he saw what I was doing so they could all be photographed.  Afterward children and mothers gathered round to see the outcome with giggles and smiles.  It made my day!  Another reason to be here.

  Stay tuned! I’ll keep you posted!

Getting to know them

These are the people of Ajijic going about their daily work.

They are kind and gracious and generous.  They are hard-working, diligent and tenacious.

They love life and family, and they love to please you with what they offer. There are middle-class and wealthy Mexicans here. But it is the working folks who win my heart.

 

Our house is a very, very, very nice house…..the barn swallow babies are finally peeping out over the top of the nest on our apartment terrace & the parents are working hard to keep them fed.

Time marches on.  Our trip is closing in on its final days.  Perhaps the babies will fly away the same time we do.  This trip, more than any I’ve experienced, has been a lesson in letting go of expectations, following the bouncing ball wherever it leads.  The carefully laid out calendar met major changes-often cancellations-every day we experienced injury or illness.  When I finally began to feel better I started reworking the calendar to accomplish all the “prep work” we’d planned to do in this month.  Then Ben got sick.  Regroup again.

At 8:45am this past Wednesday I decided my first step was to look at all the Facebook groups here in Ajijic that post places for rent.  I came across a purple-yes, folks, this is Mexico after all!-house that was not to be available for several more weeks.  Ah ha!  Sent a Facebook message-no response.  That afternoon Ben did the same search & said, Come look at this purple house.  He’s already started a dialogue with the owner.  We called Rhonda right away & agreed to see the place @ 5 that day.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Bob & Rhonda Houck are from TX but have lived in many places, & like so many folks here, have had many interesting jobs & experiences.  After 3 years in the mountainside house they’ve decided to check the next item on their bucket list-living at the beach.  The landlord is Roberto Perez, a smart, hardworking Mexican who looks you square in the eye & speaks excellent English.  We struck the deal with a firm handshake & a promise to return the next day with cash in hand, ready to sign a lease to begin November 1st.  The Houcks have gone way beyond the call of duty to assist, inform & welcome us.  Everything fell into place & the hesitation we had after discussing it with a local friend (“That’s a lot of $ to give someone you don’t know!”) fell away as we got to know them better.  They invited us back on Friday to pick out what furniture we might like to buy from them, giving us reasonable prices with no pressure & plenty of time to decide.  Large houseplants included.

Next Tuesday we will seal the deal, hand over the last bit of money (including paying the current housekeeper Chayo to be there throughout November), & consider ourselves blessed.  Quite blessed.  As with so many things during this venture into Mexico, doors have opened, lights have shined & people have stepped up to show us the way.  We have friends here now & a lovely house to come home to, at least for a year.  La vida es buena!  Life is good!

Does ending up sick & injured in a foreign country mean you shouldn’t move there? It has surely given me pause for thought.

When we arrived in Ajijic this time we were exhausted from the intensity of prior weeks, trying to wind things down, get things ready, plan ahead, grieve, learn, be excited…Soon after we began to feel ourselves unwind a little, Ben became the target of cyberbullying from an old high school classmate.  It was extremely upsetting & frightening.  It interrupted our vacation for a good 3 days.  Right after that I fell-you already know that story.  Off to the Clinic, limited mobility, pain, poor sleep, ACE wrap, walking stick, etc.  And rest, lots of rest.  Lots.  While everyone else is out wandering, engaging, enjoying.  Arghhh!  Then, just when you think the “bad luck” might break, Ben ends up in the Clinic with early bronchitis.  Antibiotics, expectorants, pain pills.  Jeez!  And I forgot to mention that company had arrived the day before for a 4 day visit.  I hardly had any time with them because I followed right on Ben’s coat tails & ended up with “a stomach virus”.  Couldn’t eat or drink.  Slept a lot.  Weak.  Appointments cancelled. Tours missed.  Contacts too much trouble.  Everything is too much trouble.

Somehow it becomes all about self care.  And asking for help when you need it.  And finding that no matter where you are, there are people to help you.  Ben goes for soup.  I take him to the Clinic.  New friends offer to pick things up for you.  Take you somewhere.  Even the waiter at the coffee shop that you finally made it to sees that you’re having trouble walking & suddenly appears to help you up the steps.  (A gringo gave me a local idiom the other day:  You can WALK-TALK-GAWK but you cannot GAWK-TALK-WALK.   Priorities straight.)
A new friend tells you about a massage therapist that does “amazing work” & offers her appointment slot.  You go & find that her work, mapping your body with her fingers/eyes closed, & her observations before you say much, truly is amazing.  The knees start to heal.  You’re back to wondering if there’s a quieter place to live.  The village is noisy.  And this is low season.

So you read a lot.  THE HUMMINGBIRD’S DAUGHTER (for a sense of old Mexico & the value placed on the spiritual) & THE DEVIL’S HIGHWAY (for a disturbing, engrossing, enlightening read on immigration issues).  I find myself wanting to read all I can about Mexico.  I am fascinated.  Rejuvenated.

A list grows in your mind.  A list of things you must do to take care of yourself.  Not a whole lot different than anywhere else.

• Wear supportive shoes (hard to be fashionable sometimes) & watch where you’re walking.  STOP to gawk.  STOP to take your phone out of your bag.
• Wear a wide brimmed hat & use sunscreen.  Slightly closer to the equator.  Get your skin checked regularly.
• Take your time & realize that the air is thinner at 5100′.  They say it may takes months to adapt.
• Don’t drink the tap water!  Even the locals know that.
• Wash your hands a lot.  Avoid street food until your gut acclimates.  If it does.  Disinfect your produce.  It’s quick & easy.
• SLOW DOWN.  Maybe coming here was all about that.  Instead of our expectations of continuing to plot our adventure.

SLOW DOWN……………………& don’t forget to breathe!  Adios mis amigos!