While listening to my favorite philosopher Charles Eisenstein talk about the “Politics of Hope”, including our profound need for community, I found myself experimenting with his string of words, finding ways to make it resonate for me. “Web of Belonging” is what I came up with. If you’ve read my posts in the past, you know that community is a major issue of interest for me. Beneath it all, I believe, is this need that we all have to belong.
Eisenstein discusses how we used to know the people, the animals, and the plants, as well as the lay of the land, in our neighborhoods, our communities. We knew the “trials and tribulations” of those around us. We walked, we talked, we paid attention, we spoke up, we helped out. Now we have what he calls “a deficit of belonging”. He says our true self is the sum total of all our relationships. I believe him.
And so I began thinking about all my relationships, both present and past, both here in México and back in the States. I began to see how interrelated they all are, no matter how far apart, and how important each one is to me in my new life as a retired expat in a foreign country (including my partnership with Ben Dyer, though I’m not addressing that specifically). And how being here has contributed to my understanding that I already have that community I’ve been searching for.
In a way, it starts here: Ben and I attended an annual cousins party in Virginia in 2017 where he told his cousin Gayle that we were going to Ajijic and thinking of living there. The surprise was that she had been here because her best friend (Weezie) and her husband (Burgess) live here. She connected us with them, we ultimately housesat for them, and we continue to be friends now that we are residents here. Then we found out an artist (Judy Miller) Ben had known years ago had just moved here. We contacted her. She introduced us to her casita renters Janie and Norman who introduced us to their former co-workers who’d followed them here, Diane and Len.
Through gatherings of these folks we met others. Then we started meeting people moving here from North Carolina (Alex and Meg) and they introduced us to some of their friends (Ana, Gerardo, and Don), some of them from our home state (James and Evan, Ernie and Ritch). Gringo Dick sells his handmade jewelry at the weekly local market and befriended Ben as a fellow jeweler and mentor. He and his wife Eleanor have taken it upon themselves to introduce us to others they know, having lived here nearly 20 years. There are other local friends like Linda Joy and Alex (Facebook friends), Tanya and Jim (from Spanish class). And those you see only in passing, maybe only once, but you know they are part of your community.
The first house we moved into was in a small neighborhood with 4 houses in close proximity all rented by gringos, surrounded by other gringo and Mexican families. We quickly became friends with Vidette (and her friends Patty and Michael), Pete and Gethyn, Bill and Barbara, and have remained so even though we have all moved to other parts of town. Beto and Shari, behind us then and now just outside the gate, became friends at the same time.
Through the Tuesday market we’ve met vendors we now consider friends: Alejandra, Maria, Miguel and Adriana, Nora, Georgina and Peter, María Elena and Gaby. Our handyman César and his lovely family have become our friends. We love our dog groomer Joel right down the street, and the sweet, energetic vet Laura who comes to our house. We walk every morning and look forward to the greetings of the community gate guards and the other folks walking their dogs. The farmer who plows the field behind our house and the Mexican laborers building a nearby dwelling are familiar to us. The coffee grinder across the street from the ATM and the juice man in front of the pharmacy greet us any time we pass by. Owners of small restaurants like Vegan Town (Tulú), Goshas (Fernando and David), and Machi Ma (Jorge and Jessica and their children) and Juan who delivers food for a local restaurant, have all become familiar smiling faces. Francisco from Hidalgo Papalería where I buy cards, Antonio who delivers fruits and vegetables, Gerardo who delivers Costco orders, our pool guy Chuy, and our housekeeper Alba have all become part of our lives here. Mexicans and gringos living in our gated community and nearby houses have become folks we connect with and want to know better.
Even our trips through the little bit of México we’ve seen have broadened our world of friends. In Oaxaca our friend Norma introduced us to her landlord and family, and to villagers who then invited us to join in their community celebration last summer. Our trip to Pátzcuaro and the lakeside craft villages introduced us to Victoria who owns Hotel Casa Encantada, her staff, and well-loved guide Jaime, of Animecha Tours. In the villages we connected with artisans and maintained Facebook friendships with some, including Nicolas Fabián and his wife Rosario, both potters with love of gardening and cooking.
And so it grows, this web of friendships, connecting with our family and friends from the States. I’ve stayed in touch with my best friend from high school, Debbie, and recently had conversations with Elaine in Florida and Margaret in St. Thomas, both former co-workers and now dear friends. I’m still in touch with fellow Healing Touch practitioners Amenie, in Virginia, and Denise, in Hillsborough, Elizabeth in Washington state. And former co-workers from my nursing career, Valarie, Marion, Shelton, Michal and Josiah, Cherry, Kelly (all in NC), and Joan in Colorado. My dear friend Amy (Atlanta) from my early days of marriage is regularly on my radar. Neighbors from our Hillsborough home, Christine and Blair are still in contact. Robin, who gave me my first massage practice space, calls and writes regularly. Mary in Chapel Hill is still in touch. Onja and Bill in Durham have visited us here twice.
There are others: Diana, Susan, Sam, Mary, Bill and Anita, all introduced to me by my daughter-in-law Toni. Craft show friends Andy and Kathy, Leigh and Alan, Sydney, Andrée and Dave. Bill and Karen in California, Ben’s sister Melanie and her husband in Oregon, Karl in Sweden, and even famous writer and Facebook friend, Luis Alberto Urrea, whose posts I respond to almost daily. And dogs. Don’t forget our dogs.
And, of course, my family: son Japhy and his wife Toni, my granddaughter Hazel Grace; my cousins Kay and Debbie (Danny, Kathi, and Pat, too), my nephew Richard and his wife Maria and their children Erick and Camilla. And others I’ve probably failed to mention though their names and faces glide through my mind as I realize that all this time that I have been desperately searching for community…it was right here in front of me! It’s all in your perception.
This list of people, whose names I’ve given intentionally, this scattered far and wide council, is my community, my web. The connection that gives my life meaning and purpose, that keeps me moving forward in this unexpectedly difficult time in our world. Think about it…who makes up your Web of Belonging?
Why do I stay? Because it is still a grand adventure. For the most part the local people are kind, friendly, & helpful. It is easy to create a community of local friends with the abundance of interesting people here. And I love Mexico, with all its quirks, & want to explore it further. Once we get our feet on the ground. Some folks seem to settle right in. Or maybe they just don’t talk about the difficulties. For us, retiring, closing down a business, leaving behind friends of many years, &, of course, family, coming to a new country where nearly everything is a learning curve & you barely, if at all, speak the language, ranks in those top 5 life events that can really send you tumbling. But we’re determined. We’ll find a way.
